My heart is a bit sad today. There are so many amazing things going on in our life right now. God is just clearly opening up doors and making a way for us that is beyond exciting. We are feeling so alive, so in harmony, our marriage is just amazing, our house is cleaner, we are more calm, more peaceful everything is amazing except for one thing.
Our sermon on Sunday was very eye opening to me, I was talking with my mom about sometimes it's hard for me working at the job I have because there is little understanding or respect for my Christianity. I told my boss that I needed Thursday nights off, because I have choir practice and she said oh b/c of some church crap. I was surprised that I wasn't offended or even hurt, it just made my heart sad for her. The joy and fullfillment I find in Christ is just so beyond words that anyone not partaking that I feel is missing out!
Well I was talking with her also about, finding lines, I don't ever want someone to feel like I'm pushing something on them, but I also don't want to endorse things that the Bible is clear about being sin/wrong. I don't consider myself a judgemental person, and I have been confirmed in this by quite a few people, christian and unchristian alike. It's something I personally strive for, that is to not be judgemental. However, I know that as a Christian, the Bible tells me the world will hate me, because the world hated Jesus, truth does not rub the world the right way. [that's a quote from my pastor] I need to not be trying to make everyone feel better about their sin, b/c I have fear of being perceived as judgemental. I can't not say something just because I have stuff in my own life that needs changing, that's the beauty of fellowship you help one another out with your stuff. I tend to be a little too accepting I think of sin in others lives b/c I don't want them to be hurt by yet another Christian. It's tough when Jesus is so amazing and so many Christians are unloving and judgemental. In an effort to not be that though some end up accepting everything! Which is not the way of Christ, yes we are to LOVE EVERYONE, but sometimes that love is a tough love. It's saying what you don't want to say, it's speaking truth. [this was all the sermon on Sunday] He spoke of the fact that the church has lost it's conviction. And the fact is, God is very clear about things being right or wrong, yes approach in love, but stand for what's correct and just. The worst part of it all, we will be misunderstood, and misjudged...people will call us judgemental, which is where we double examine our hearts to make sure we are not, but then we have to find peace in Christ, we have to allow Him to be our defender. When we don't word things correctly, we need to get back up and try again, God knows my heart, he knows I have a love for people, I need to stop being wishy washy, I need to stop looking to certain people in my life for justification, my justification is in Christ. I am on this earth for His purposes and His plans, and how He wants to fullfill those in my life, I need to be open to that.
Things sadly are not going well my husbands family and us. It truly breaks my heart, and I think what hurts even more is it would appear, things will not be resolved anytime soon. We have been perceived in a certain way for so long...and we are taking a breath, remembering that we are not perfect, finding that rest I've been talking about, and letting God do our defending. It's tough, I want to rise up and defend myself, I want acceptence, I want justification in who I am, as does Nathan. However we are learning to rely on God for those things, and not family. It's tough, because family can play such an amazing role in your life, but it can also play such a harmful one, in this time of growth and eye opening, learning and so on...it's important that we keep focused on God and not get distracted. I explained it to my mom in this way: Nathan and I are growing so much, I see God working in both of us in amazing ways, if family is going to be a hindrance to that then we need to break away from that for a time, so that we can focus on God and not be consistantly challenged with keeping our joy. It was awesome b/c I used to word hindrance and one of the verses she had found in her quiet time that morning was Joel 2:12 amplified version: ..."says the Lord, turn and keep on coming to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning [until every hinderance is removed and the broken fellowship is restored.]"
Our broken fellowship with the Lord is the most important thing for us to repair at this point in our lives, we are learning and are sure to make mistakes, but the point is not to dwell on the mistakes but the growth. So if you could just pray for us, to continue having that peace, being misunderstood is such a hard thing for me, and I need to get over it, especially in this situation. ::BIG SIGH::
Would so appreciate it if anyone has encouragement! Hope you are all having a FABULOUS week! I pray blessings for anyone who reads this.